First off, hey, everyone... long time no update.
I went on my cruise - actually went on two cruises in the past few months, whee! - and now I'm back, waiting to start my new job, which I'll talk about later.
Today I want to talk about something that I've just been made aware of that really bugs me - a new ABC reality show called Find My Family.
As most of my friends know, I was adopted. It was a closed adoption, done through an agency - I was adopted at 10 days old. Everyone knows that I love my adoptive parents to death - they are and always will be my "real" parents. They did a wonderful job raising me and I'm so thankful for them. They gave me a wonderful life. I had everything I needed, but I was far from spoiled. They taught me the value of education, they taught me to be kind to others, and they taught me what it means to be selfless. I wouldn't have had things any other way.
As for my birth mother, what I know about her is very little. I know that she was 23 years old when she had me. For a long time, that's pretty much all I had to go on. When I was 13 or 14 years old, I started having some emotional issues and needed to see a counselor. It turns out through the most random string of luck, that the counselor I went to used to be an adoption case worker - and she was MY adoption case worker. Through her, I learned a few more details about my birth mother (that I wasn't ever supposed to know) including her first name, and I saw a picture of what she looked like when she was my age.
My curiosity was piqued, but that was it. I went on with my life. I didn't magically decide that I wanted to meet her.
Now, the premise of this new reality show is that people apply to be on the show, with their sob story about how they want to find their birth mother or father, or their biological child. The producers of the show employ top-notch private investigators to search and search until the biological relative is found.
I think this is TERRIBLE, to the point that it enrages me.
People give their children up for adoption for a reason. Whether that reason is that they care so much about the child that they know they can't take care of them... or they don't want or care about them at all, but didn't have an abortion for whatever reason.
I may be childfree, but statistically, most women end up with children. Therefore, there's a fairly good statistical chance that my biological mother, now 47 years old, has had more children - that she probably has a family now. If that's the case, then this family likely does not know I existed. Imagine the questions that would raise if they did.
I also have two wonderful parents that raised me from birth that I love beyond question.
How selfish would I have to be to intrude on the life of this woman who gave birth to me?
Imagine how her life could come crashing down. If she were married, if she had children, it could literally ruin all of their lives. What kind of selfish person would I be to wish that on the person that gave me life?
That's why I think what this show is doing is wrong. It's one thing if I went to the adoption agency and told them that I wanted to meet my birthmother. They would discreetly contact her and ask if she were willing to meet me. If so, they would arrange a meeting. If not, they would let me know that she was not interested. That's how it SHOULD be. In no way should I be contacting private investigators to dig into the life of someone who may or may not want to be involved with me.
People are living their lives, and the fairytale-movie-style-ending does not always happen!
